Billy Wilder, along with collaborators Charles Brackett, I.A.L. Diamond and a handful of others, created more than 60 screenplays in his lifetime. From them, we selected single lines of dialogue that stand on their own. Many are succinct observations of the human condition. The rest are just really, really funny.
"Democracy can be a wickedly unfair thing, Sabrina. Nobody poor was ever called democratic for marrying somebody rich." — Thomas Fairchild (John Williams), Sabrina (1954), screenplay by Billy Wilder, Samuel L. Taylor and Ernest Lehman
"Ya know, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe; I mean, shipwrecked among eight million people. And then one day I saw a footprint in the sand, and there you were." — C.C. Baxter (Jack Lemmon), The Apartment (1960), screenplay by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond
"I can handle big news and little news. And if there's no news, I'll go out and bite a dog." — Charles Tatum (Kirk Douglas), Ace in the Hole (1951), screenplay by Billy Wilder, Walter Newman and Lesser Samuels
"Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!" — Sugar (Marilyn Monroe), Some Like It Hot (1959), screenplay by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond
"Make no mistake, I shall regret the absence of your keen mind; unfortunately, it is inseparable from an extremely disturbing body." — Professor Bertram Potts (Gary Cooper), Ball of Fire (1941), screenplay by Billy Wilder and Charles Brackett
"We didn't need dialogue. We had faces!" — Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson), Sunset Blvd. (1950), screenplay by Billy Wilder, Charles Brackett and D.M. Marshman, Jr.
"I am constantly surprised that women's hats do not provoke more murders." — Sir Wilfrid (Charles Laughton), Witness for the Prosecution (1957), screenplay by Billy Wilder and Harry Kurnitz
"Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?" — Mr. Osborne (Robert Benchley), The Major and The Minor (1942), screenplay by Billy Wilder and Charles Brackett
"I met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you, you're twenty minutes." — Lorraine (Jan Sterling), Ace in the Hole (1951)
"I'll pick you up at 6:30 sharp, because the 7:00 train for Moscow leaves promptly at 8:15." — Otto Ludwig Piffl (Horst Buchholtz), One, Two, Three (1961), screenplay by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond
"The Lafuentes have more of everything. In fact, most of their children were born with eleven fingers." — Princess Bitotska (Lucile Watson), The Emperor Waltz (1948), screenplay by Billy Wilder and Charles Brackett
"It's like the doctor was just telling me—delirium is a disease of the night. Good night." — 'Bim' Nolan (Frank Faylen), The Lost Weekend (1945), screenplay by Billy Wilder and Charles Brackett
"When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara." — Fran Kubelik (Shirley MacLaine), The Apartment (1960)
"To be overly honest in a dishonest world is like plucking a chicken against the wind—you only wind up with a mouth full of feathers." — Moustache (Lou Jacobi), Irma la Douce (1963), screenplay by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond
"Bad news sells best, 'cause good news is no news." — Charles Tatum (Kirk Douglas), Ace in the Hole (1951)
"Do you know what happens if I defect? They will line up my family and shoot them! My wife, my mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, my sister-in-law...[pauses] Let's do it!" — Peripetchikoff (Leon Askin), One, Two, Three (1961)
"All columnists should be beaten to a pulp and converted back into paper!" — Oliver Larrabee (Walter Hampden), Sabrina (1954)
"I am big. It's the pictures that got small." — Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson), Sunset Blvd. (1950)
"My three-o'clock patient jumped out of the window in the middle of his session. I have been running fifteen minutes ahead of schedule ever since." — Dr. Brubaker (Oskar Homolka), The Seven Year Itch (1955), screenplay by Billy Wilder and George Axelrod
"I don't care how rich he is, as long as he has a yacht, his own private railroad car and his own toothpaste." — Sugar (Marilyn Monroe), Some Like It Hot (1959)
"I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. Guess I was wrong. You're not smarter, Walter...you're just taller." — Barton Keyes (Edward G. Robinson), Double Indemnity (1944), screenplay by Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler
"I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons." — Lorraine (Jan Sterling), Ace in the Hole (1951)
"I'm his brother-in-law, Sister. And this is his mother, Sister, and this is my wife, his sister, Sister." — Willie Gingrich (Walter Matthau), The Fortune Cookie (1966), screenplay by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond
"One's too many and a hundred's not enough." — Nat (Howard Da Silva), The Lost Weekend (1945)
"And I promise you I'll never desert you again, because after Salome we'll make another picture and another picture. You see, this is my life. It always will be. Nothing else...just us, the cameras and all those wonderful people out there in the dark...All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." — Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson), Sunset Blvd. (1950)