His scripts were distinguished by wit, intelligence and no small amount of sarcasm. In the early 1950s, the Academy rewarded two of Joseph L. Mankiewicz’s efforts—A Letter to Three Wives (1949) and All About Eve (1950)—with Oscars for writing (as well as directing). Here are 25 bits of smart Mankiewicz dialogue we wish we had written.
Birdie (Thelma Ritter): What a story! Everything but the bloodhounds snappin’ at her rear end.
— All About Eve (1950)
Eleanor (Rosalind Russell): You worry more about something to worry about than you worry about an actual worry.
Mary Clay (Joan Crawford): Can you say that again?
— Forsaking All Others (1934)
Harry Dawes (Humphrey Bogart): Life, every now and then, behaves as though it had seen too many bad movies, when everything fits too well—the beginning, the middle, the end—from fade-in to fade-out.
— The Barefoot Contessa (1954)
Eve Harrington (Anne Baxter): Get out.
Addison DeWitt (George Sanders): You’re too short for that gesture.
— All About Eve (1950)
Deborah Bishop (Jeanne Crain): Knowing Addie, I mean, why let her spoil our day?
Rita Phipps (Ann Southern): Not my day. Addie Ross never saw the day she could spoil my day. Did I put enough “days” into that?
— A Letter to Three Wives (1949)
Julius Caesar (Rex Harrison): (after the execution of Pothinus) Return Apollodorus’s dagger to him, but clean it first. It has Pothinus all over it.
— Cleopatra (1963)
Miss Caswell (Marilyn Monroe): Tell me this, do they have auditions for television?
Addison DeWitt (George Sanders): That’s, uh, all television is, my dear, nothing but auditions.
— All About Eve (1950)
Eleanor (Rosalind Russell): I wish a man would marry me so I could wear a decent hat.
Shempy (Charles Butterworth): That’s the best reason for getting married I ever heard.
— Forsaking All Others (1934)
Maria Vargas (Ava Gardner): In Hollywood, it is not easy to become a star.
Harry Dawes (Humphrey Bogart): Ah, where is it easy?
— The Barefoot Contessa (1954)
Mrs. Manleigh (Florence Bates): Sadie may not realize it, but whether or not she thinks she’s listening, she’s being penetrated.
George Phipps (Kirk Douglas): Good thing she didn’t hear you say that.
— A Letter to Three Wives (1949)
Dolores (Marjorie White): Sing to me!
Willy Nilly (Bert Wheeler): How about “One Hour With You?”
Dolores: Sure! But first—sing to me!
— Diplomaniacs (1933)
Margo Channing (Bette Davis): Birdie, you don’t like Eve, do you?
Birdie (Thelma Ritter): You looking for an answer or an argument?
Margo Channing: An answer.
Birdie: No.
Margo Channing: Why not?
Birdie: Now you want an argument.
— All About Eve (1950)
George Phipps (Kirk Douglas): The purpose of radio writing, as far as I can see, is to prove to the masses that a deodorant can bring happiness, a mouthwash guarantees success and a laxative attracts romance.
— A Letter to Three Wives (1949)
Eleanor (Rosalind Russell): Oh, I want to go to the bachelor dinner.
Shempy (Charles Butterworth): Can you do a fan dance?
Eleanor: I invented the fan dance.
Shempy: I saw one with electric fans once. It was awful.
— Forsaking All Others (1934)
Addison DeWitt (George Sanders): Margo Channing is a star of the theater. She made her first stage appearance at the age of four in Midsummer Night's Dream. She played a fairy and entered, quite unexpectedly, stark naked. She has been a star ever since.
— All About Eve (1950)
Cleopatra (Elizabeth Taylor): And I find what you’re wearing most becoming. Greek, isn’t it?
Antony (Richard Burton): I have a fondness for almost all Greek things.
Cleopatra: As an almost all-Greek thing, I’m flattered.
— Cleopatra (1963)
Jim Wade (William Powell): You know, I think those yes men would go to bed with me if they had a chance.
Eleanor Packer (Myrna Loy): Don’t worry, darling. They won’t have a chance.
— Manhattan Melodrama (1934)
Margo Channing (Bette Davis): Bill’s thirty-two. He looks thirty-two. He looked it five years ago, he’ll look it twenty years from now. I hate men.
— All About Eve (1950)
Chow-Chow (Hugh Herbert): I wish I were in China by my wife. Who I hate.
— Diplomaniacs (1933)
Rita Phipps (Ann Southern): People in show business, you know what I mean, those kind of people always drink scotch.
George Phipps (Kirk Douglas): Well, I know what you mean, but I wish you wouldn’t say it in radio English. “That kind,” not “those kind.”
Rita Phipps: There are men who say “those kind” who earn $100,000 dollars a year.
George Phipps: There are men who say "stick 'em up" who earn more. I don't expect to do either.
— A Letter to Three Wives (1949)
Margo Channing (Bette Davis): Fasten your seatbelts—it’s going to be a bumpy night.
— All About Eve (1950)
Jim Wade (William Powell): I was born at home , because I wanted to be near mother at the time.
— Manhattan Melodrama (1934)
Bill Sampson (Gary Merrill): Outside of a beehive, Margo, your behavior would not be considered either queenly or motherly.
Margo Channing (Bette Davis): You are in a beehive, pal. Didn’t you know? We are all busy little bees, full of stings, making honey day and night. Aren’t we, honey?
— All About Eve (1950)
Kirk Edwards (Warren Stevens): You’ve never done an honest day’s work in your life!
Alberto Bravano (Marius Goring): I have never done a day’s work in my life, honest or dishonest, but neither have you. To make $100 into $110, this is work. To make $100 million into $110 million, this is inevitable.
— The Barefoot Contessa (1954)
Sadie (Thelma Ritter): The cap’s out. Makes me look like a lamb chop with pants on.
— A Letter to Three Wives (1949)
Wednesday, January 9, 2013 at 02:51PM | 
“[T]his marvelously clever young actress so richly conveys the attitudes and the vocal intonations of a native of the sidewalks of New York that it is art,” New York Times critic Bosley Crowther wrote about Judy Holliday’s performance in Born Yesterday. “More than that,” he added, “she illuminates so brightly the elemental wit and honesty of her blankly unlettered young lady that she puts pathos and respect into the role.”